Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Post-Mortem or Roll Away That Stone!

What is it about inspiration at 2:30 in the morning? 

Who cares, is my response. It's like finding that rubber ball you lost six months ago under the couch, clouded in dust bunnies (the cleaning of which was your original impetus to move the damn thing in the first place) and then saying "Hey! THAT'S where you are" proceeding to bounce it around joyfully while all else falls away. Remember? You really missed that ball - and now you've got it back and life can go on a bit more freely, with a little less weight. 

That's what writing does for me anyway. That and getting those crazy thoughts down to smirk at later. Or learn from again. Or from which to recognize the patterns and wap my forehead with a smacking palm of self-chiding. 

After parting from particular agents and a particular manager - many things have changed in my career. I have many exciting pots a-boilin' - none QUITE roiling, but perhaps on the cusp (like me - The Virgo/Libra that I am. What? Don't worry, this isn't about that - though don't discount some astrological strums here and there. In fact, take a moment to ingest the possibility that humans may in fact be influenced and molded by the stars and sea. Whaddya think about that? Tell me later. On to the news.)

Two-thousand-fourteen has been largely a creative year. I am developing my first screenplay based on a resonant experience doing theatre in a quaint mid-California town and also a dream I once had involving a needy, teenage spirit. Never before have I truly delved into the development of such a story - conceived as a short film, originally - but my imagination took the proverbial reins and galloped to other lands. The horse's mouth was (and is) foaming.  It's been surprising, sensitive, terrifying, and incredible to create thus far - and I cannot weigh on it so much expectation, though the temptation is certainly there as my chest swells with pride. Regardless of where this particular script goes, it will forever be a milestone on the road of E. Swan.

I'm also learning guitar - three months in, folks. As impatient as I normally am (I want to be good NOW!), I continue to tell myself that music is more natural to my make-up than blood. Too true are these words. Dragons are to Khaleesi as music is to Eva.  Wielding an instrument gives me a new power of creation I did not pursue before - and writing music is wonderfully validating for all the years of singing in the Great Halls of My Head.  Maybe one day I can add this to the "special skills" section of my resume. Maybe one day I'll have an EP. Every day of practice is another closer to fleshing out these once distant possibilities.  

What else? Weeeeellllllllllll (deep breath) new headshots at the end of the month, back in Janet's Meisner class and its oh-so-sweet, watching the crap out of some HBOGO (and feeling inspired), writing a spec episode for a show on HBO that I absolutely adore with all of my little harts (and feeding the funny bone while at it), began an audition intensive this very evening with Sheila Jaffe's casting office, making nut butters like there's no tomorrow (because who knew I had a talent for it???), doing many things for the first time, calling out to the Ladies of La La for support and love as we veer forward in this strange land where indigenous jerks roam, and looking forward to homework that is creatively necessary and self-assigned! Books, shows, scripts, live theatre, magazines, websites, and talking of many things - of cabbages, of kings!

Let's just say, it's nice to resurface from a complex New Year. 

We can't control the darkness around us. I find it is easier to take a breath and let my eyes adjust. 

More to unfold. 

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