Tuesday, November 3, 2015

On the 10th Day...

Day 10 of filming my feature, Gehenna: Where Death Lives. I am not allowed to paint many pictures for you, but I can always give a subjective point of view which, I promise, will not compromise or reveal the pertinently protected things and stuff.

Early in this day and late in this night, I sit at home looking at my script, which is toothpaste blue. I could easily fix a scuffed robin egg with the hue of this page. Every day I work long hours, trying to find the most natural and sensical way to live within the circumstances of the moment. It's a beautiful thing to try and obtain, when one has truly found the apex sling to rest into. Not that I do that that often, but it is a challenge and I try vehemently because I like challenges. I like to prove things to myself and sometimes that takes the impetus of others, sometimes not.

It's been a wonder to abide by this particular schedule of life. I definitely prefer it, despite it taking up so much time. Normal life feels neglected at the moment - but that's only because my normal life is not exactly acting all day long. I mean, it is NOW, at least until the film ends; a career tease that I would like to water-into-wine industry-wise. Or water-into-blood is more appropriate, deeming the horrific content of this current story.

The interesting part about a horror film is to try and capture the psychological effect on my character so that I may interpret this (for the camera) in a journey and way that makes sense while also feeling quite palpable. Did I mention also while filming out of sequence? Yes. Yes, there is that too. Also quite normal, but relies heavily on the clarity of the actor for where they've been before this moment and where they end up.  Where is the dot on that line from Minute One to Minute One Hundred? And which dot are you looking at - the Emotional Dot, the Spiritual Dot, the Physical or Psychological Dots?

All of these elements belong inside a person that is experiencing things to the extreme. Films and plots contain extremity; stakes are about extremity. And we have to think of how we may actually respond to those conditions of extremity. I am learning ways to access myself as an actress / emotional human that require expediency and great change. I just hope whatever I'm cultivating reads on the big screen. Or at least your iPad. There have been many laps, push-ups, burpies, soundtracks and other assists utilized while in my private dark portion of the warehouse where no crew needs to go. 

Regardless of the fulfilling character work, the crew and other cast members are of stellar work mind and the experience thus far could not be more delightful. All work together to reduce the stress and alleviate the pressure of the environment that is viced by time and money. This is movie-making, people, and the process is arduous on top of fast on top of complex on top of Dear God Please Let Us Know What We're Doing. The last bit is not a problem for most - and that gives me great relief. It also gives me great permission to play which, indeed. I. Do. My cackle echoes nicely in this warehouse each day and I am not judged by its frequency or volume. I thank everyone for that. It feels good to laugh with one's whole body numerous times a day. I swear my soul gets a little younger with each tiny pressed step of the crow's foot. 

Lastly, there is nothing - NOTHING - that I'd rather attach to such crisp, fall La-La days than driving down to the outskirts of the city under a bright California sun, windows down, beloved beanie and Ray Bans donned, and tunes a-blasting while I gage to encounter the edge of the Gehenna forest. My character is full and my internal life is roaring much like my engine down the I-110. Talk about an acceleration into the holiday seasons as time simply races by. Yet, each day, all I can do during such speedy transit is marvel at the frothing puffs of cloud on the horizon, still and stoic and magical. How strange that such planes of time can exist together, passing through us all peacefully; well, hopefully peacefully.

More later - I've got to go fight for my life now.

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