What's the Angle?

I shot new headshots today with Adam Sheridan Taylor. An INTENSE man is he. He sports a seemingly tireless, skittish energy that goes in your face and then up to your side all snuggly-like and then around the corner to make faces at you.  In other words, I like the guy. Totally wears his freak flag high and mighty the way many of us wish we could.  Just sayin', I'm excited and overdue for an updated look. Not that I don't cherish the meticulous work of Dana Patrick and admire her continued use of film over digital, but I need some photos that reveal my warmer side, both literally and figuratively.

I'll post'em when I gots'em.

On to TONIGHT - a workshop at The Casting Network with Ally Bader, top associate at Bialy/Thomas (Breaking Bad.  I may or may not have been slightly inebbriated when I purchsed a large credit at TCN on my phone because I need to get back in the workshop cycle something fierce. Damn you, Technology! You make everything so easy! It's so easy to COMMIT to things that will better me and my career! Wait, that sounds like a great thing...hmmmm, maybe it's not a guilty wine-induced purchase after all. Maybe I make better sense when I've had a glass or two. Maybe that's not a good theory to draw from this and instead I should just be happy that I can take at least four more workshops at TCN in the near future.

Done and done.

So Ally - what a kind and approachable lass. Used to work for Nancy Nayor and other esteemed CDs - has loved casting since her senior year of high school when she began interning. I'd say she has a knack by now, especially working alongside Sharon Bialy and tackling this year's hottest pilot for AMC "Halt and Catch Fire". Noticing a trend here? From previous blogs? I auditioned for that show as a series regular!  Me! Me! Me! And I didn't get it, but YAY for progress and pushing the ol' chops.  Instead, H & CF went all out with their regulars $ and Name-wise - Lee Pace leading the way. I cannot WAIT to see this show once it actually airs - it is going to feed those of us going through Breaking Bad withdrawal, clawing at our televisions and feening for more Walter White goodness.

Here's the skinny: I went to see Ally in order to put my mug in front of her mug a la "Remember me?" style. She mentioned only working on Halt and Catch Fire right now. She also mentioned that they are casting mainly out of Atlanta for guest and co-star roles where they are filming next month.  She also mentioned spending a huge piece of budget on their 6 series regulars and hence why Atlanta is an easier, cheaper pool to cast from. So why are we there taking a workshop there tonight if there ain't no work? Um, this is the hard part about workshops. Sometimes the only thing you can do is try to leave an impression.  There's no role for you, there's no show for you, there's only the spotlight, the stage and your skills and the crossing of fingers that Ally Bader remembers you when something comes her way that you happen to fit the profile for.

It's tough love, but it's all the love that Ally could give tonight.  She gave everyone sides of her choice, paired us up, and I performed a scene from "He's Just Not That Into You". Haven't seen it myself, but that makes it better for my original interpretation.  There's a confident girl at a bar hoping to see a guy that has not yet called her since their first date. Is she confident? She puts on the airs. But there is desperation there. And in the center of that desperation is a strong, valiant hope that this guy is GOING to call her, or perhaps has lost her number or a relative and there must be some reason that he hasn't.  Because it can't be her. She knows she has something to be secure about and this guy not calling her becomes a wolf at her door.  It could possibly shake her for a looooong time. She doesn't WANT to believe immediately - or even a week later with no contact - that he doesn't like her. Why wouldn't he like her? But of course, his bartender friend finds out what she's up to and gives her the 4-1-1. He tells her that this guy, indeed, doesn't really like her, just as everyone else would've suspected by now.

Oh so sad.  Sweet that she hopes so hard and admirable that she believes in herself too much to accept what might seem blatantly obvious. I can completely relate to her. COMPLETELY.  You can see that she is giving this guy the benefit of the doubt!  She put herself out there and will wait out there until she's sure. She's being brave, not egotistical. But in the world of dating, experience (often coupled with cynicism) will lead to quicker clarity when reading the signs under these kind of circumstances. Duh.  But the problem is not to become a groundhog and scamper away quickly when there's a little shadow. People come to guard their hearts so quickly and so thoroughly that they never take a RISK.  They become too afraid of rejection or of being the vulnerable one.  It takes true courage to wear that vulnerability before a stranger - or even a not-so-stranger.

It's tough that someone can't just come out and say "Hey, you're cool but I'm not interested."  Many would argue that they would NEVER want to hear that. I argue that I would. Don't leave people wondering for ages causing small psychological eruptions and inflating new pockets of insecurity that have no true origin!  If I find a genie and a lamp, one of those three wishes will be for people to handle truth more wisely.  I have a hard time speaking the truth myself, but I told a guy the other night that I wasn't into him. He was quite flabbergasted.  I ask - well, why? Isn't that possible? Isn't that the reason for a date? And I already knew I wasn't into it. It's my choice to continue on or not - as well as his. I acted first because I already knew. And I was polite about it, but up front.

The best part was when we parted ways, he asked "Well, are we ever going to see each other again?"

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh what kind of question is that? I just said I'm not interested and I'm sorry but thanks for the date. A friendly and matter-of-fact "nope" was my answer. And he let out the most cartoonish snort of disbelief, I almost thought he'd been born in Oxford and his name was Sir Charles Billingsworth the III. 

I know.  Some of you might wish to speak in the defense of this young man. But if he were telling his side of things, someone would want to speak up for me too. There are no rights or wrongs in dating, or in this industry for that matter. There are only risks and choices and hopes. Maybe one day I'll find a great guy. Maybe one day I'll find a great role. Focusing on the latter first, but hey...the universe works in mysterious ways and I am NOT interested in stopping that.

Until then, I'd like to agree with ol' Jack Nicholson in that most people just can't handle the....well, you know.  But remember that it will also set you free. I'll take the latter of those two statements as well.

Spring Breakersssss

I have been a terrible film student as of late. The only film I have seen (finally!) is SPRING BREAKERS directed by underground king, Harmony Korine. My roomie was talking my ear off about this flick for weeks - and I had no clue it was directed by the Harms - who also famously wrote "Kids" elevating a young Chloe Sevigny.  But the film's marketing confused and intrigued me. Four college girls - two of which are well known Disney darlings (Hudgens and Gomez. sidebar:  WHY IS SELENA ON THE COVER OF EVERY MAGAZINE ALL THE TIME. Blech I say.) - and they are all kinds of sexed up and controversial. And James Franco.

I started reading a little bit about the film here and there - a threesome with James Franco? James Franco being wigga'd out for the role and looking a mixture of freaky, ridiculous, and awesome all at once? Warnings of hard drugs and alcohol abuse shown? James Franco with a grill? The guy that wrote KIDS? James Franco?! What. Is. This. Film?

So naturally I ran to the theater with some friends. And luckily, Harmony came out before the flick with the ATL Twins (who are these people?!) and said a few words that really prepped me for what I was about to see. He said "Consider this film to be a kind of pop poem. Let the physical experience kind of wash over you and don't think about it." And that is exactly what I did. 

It's got the exact imagery one would picture for the most stereotypically wild SB experience. I, being the good child and going to a religious college, never even TRIED to think of having a Spring Break like this. But I wouldn't want to. I do not want my rack out and about for all to see with beer being poured over every crevice.  Naturally, I would be sunning under an umbrella anyway with #100 sunscreen on drinking something much classier. Anywho, the music is fitting and truly adds to the experience. Franco - who I usually don't love - is wonderfully entertaining, somehow pulling off a delicate (almost ingenious) balance of ridiculous and dangerous at the same time. His scene with Selena gets creepily great. His scene in the bedroom with Hudgens and the blonde chick? Even better - the movie takes twists and turns that surprise, delight, and fright - moving sweetly between real and unreal.

Good unconventional fun.  I wonder what a meathead would say if I asked him his opinion of it? I'd like to know. Pardon me while I run over to the nearest frat.

Wash Rinse Repeat

Whoa, I just bit into the most delicious ginger snap cookie in the universe.  But it was more of a ginger mush since they popped that sucka in the microwave.

Hey folks - how ARE you? It's been a moment. And what has happened in those moments? Many many things. Are any of them roles that Eva Swan performed flawlessly in? Um, no. In fact, I have only been out ONCE this pilot season but it was for one of the hottest shows in town "Halt and Catch Fire".  Yes. The one being produced by the bad ass of Breaking Bad, Mark Johnson.  (He's kind of great at his job.)  I was fortunate enough to audition for one of the series regulars, Donna Clark, the wife of Gordon Clark - a misunderstood genius low on the totem pole at work.  This pilot is one to watch out for. Talk about shows that have excellent, slow food style writing (Madmen, Breaking Bad...um AMC in general?) - this will be the one to watch out for and get hooked on. 

Enough said - I auditioned for Sharon Bialy herself.  She was nothing but kind, courteous and complimentary.  Feedback? She was impressed, she thought I was lovely, and she said would cast me in a series, but perhaps not THIS series (such was the case as the role of Donna went to the lovely Kerry Bishe from ARGO). So all in all - good feedback, a great opp to meet Sharon and I was proud of my work. Never TOO proud but you know how hard I can be on myself. High standards: cursed with them.

Speaking of, I am seeing Ally Bader (top associate of Bialy/Thomas) tomorrow night for a workshop at The Casting Network in Valley Village.  I need to stay on their radar. It's tougher than a piece of shoe leather in Antarctica to be an actor among millions of actors in this town when all people see is an ocean of thumbnails and if you're lucky enough to be clicked on, you might even get to have your reel watched and even THEN, does your filmed work have any similarity to the role they are looking to cast?  It's a gamble. This entire career is incredibly high-risk. My parents probably have the most excellent pores in the world because their daughter's pursuits have made them sweat on a somewhat permanent basis.

SO, where I am currently: I have to get the reel in shape. Yes, I shot things for it recently in January. Yes, I am totally unhappy with it - only because a reel has to reflect where you are in your skills TODAY, and that one does not. In its entirety, anyway.  So Eva is going to shoot more quite soon, oh yes. The reel is an ongoing project until I can present something stellar.  You hear me?! STELLAR!!!! STEL-LAAAAAAR!!! (Eva having a Marlon Brando Streetcar moment.)

Don't worry about me though, kids, I AM getting out there commercially (thank the good Lawd) and I recently auditioned for Serta, Bank of America, and Liquid Plumr.  At least that side of me is getting oiled on a regular basis and I get to go out and improvise for fun commercial spots. Me likey doing that. But I am overdue to book another, so let's do something about that, mk?  Getting new headshots tomorrow for partially this purpose.  I want my thumbnail to punch you in the face, Casting Directors!

Lastly, other things I am doing: casting a feature film for a good friend (so excited to do this), sprouting a tail and becoming a gym rat, drinking kombucha on a regular basis and balancing all this acidity, redesigning my bedroom (I found the most awesome Marimekko duvet for cheap, yeeeeah), and considering a Macbook Air because this old girl PC I have right now? She is about to expire like a milk carton in the desert sun. 

Love to everyone and signing off.  More to come.

New Reel, New Me, New You!

Ya know, I wanna get real honest here and say that I don't write in my blog because my ex is a "subscriber". Should that hinder me? Well, technically no, but the unfortunate part of having a blog is that it IS public and whatever information you want to share with the world but wish to keep from your ex is pretty impossible to compartmentalize online.  But what am I gonna do? Not write? That's silly.  And that's exactly what I've been doing, not writing. Hey, I'm afraid - like all of the people, um, everywhere, we are afraid of many many many silly everyday things. I'm afraid that my ex will see this and text me his fake encouraging messages about what a good writer I am. 

So excuse the public message but: "Hey. You. Please don't."

I am encouraged and loved by the right people now. Isn't that so important? To have friends and relationships with people that are always willing to cleanse you like an oily seagull? I am lucky to have that in La La.

Anyway, I shot stuff for my reel. Did it go well? Um, it went FINE.  But I am understanding too clearly that if I watch myself as I perform (meaning, after takes), I learn OODLES about E. Swan. I don't have acting coaches with me, I don't have all those professional consultants, so I have me. And I trust me. Decently. Others are a little harder to navigate with when there are favors involved.  But let me go on the record and say the new stuff LOOKS great. But performances don't necessarily reflect where I am in my acting today.  So onward and upward - let's keep making footage, shall we?

I learned a GREAT DEAL from shooting my own stuff.  Mainly, that I need to watch myself and see what is happening. I know what I need to look like, I know what kind of performance I am capable of, so therefore, despite my ridiculously critical side, I think watching myself is GOOD.  Discovery: my left side is my good side! I guess I haven't been vain enough to realize that before.  I know that I would've done many things differently, but despite that, I improved my reel and I am glad. More to come on that.

Also, my acting teacher, Janet - who knows how insanely sensitive I am and that I have a tendency to beat myself up mentally about my achievements or progress (or anything) - said NO NO NO don't watch yourself!!! Well, I disagree, Ms. Alhanti because although I am tougher than an old sea turtle from time to time - I LEARN by seeing what is happening through the camera's eye. It's essential. It's ok. It's about letting go and applying things at the same time. I can do that. Just because I break down in tears in front of my acting class (prooooobably more often than anyone else) and don't quite have the energy to both fight embarrassment AND convince my classmates that I believe in myself doesn't mean that I don't believe in myself! I do! I And I have to make that more clear to the world.

Enough, darlings - here is my new, improved reel. Enjoy.

Amphibious Endeavors Through the Swamp

One of my New Year's resolutions was NOT to blog more.  But I realize this would be a good goal to adopt.

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING!!!

Thus far, I've been horribly sick (second time in a row and no, it was not the dreaded F to the L to the U, though it came dangerously close - I'd like to thank pure blueberry juice and also carrot/orange juice for their support.  Not to mention the countless gas stations which provided me with their largest water bottle available.  Oh, and gummy vitamins............which are NOT for toddlers).  In the midst of sickness, however, TWO theatrical auditions came my way. One for a sweet sexy little role in a black and white indie noir flick and the other for (doot, doot, doot, DOOT, doot, doot, doot, DOOT) DAYS of Our Lives.  Yes, like sand through the hourglass, so were the beautiful actresses pouring through the door to compete for two series regular roles on this enduring soap.

I also had three commercial auditions - Toms Eyewear, Miralax (no, I am not above a commercial suggesting constipation problems. Come on, you can't go your whole life and be regular), and a callback for Sudafed where I hop around in a bikini in a room full of people with laptops pretending to jump off a dock or a cliff. Hilarious and fun.

Of course, when it rains, it pours. I was successful at keeping my temperature down around 100 even, but just walking to my car and back was exhausting.  So in between rest periods, it was of dire importance that I somehow break slightly - JUST SLIGHTLY - the solid wall of mucous holding my vocal chords hostage. Otherwise, I was sounding like Gollum's ugly sister upon opening my mouth.  The key to this?  Water.  No, not just to consume, I'm talking about steaming in it, sitting in it when bubbling hot, rinsing off with it, breathing it, dousing myself over and over and over.  Yes, that's right. I am talking about Korean bathhouses. Perhaps "spa" is a more appropriate term - or less scary - but I went downtown for three days in a row to STEAM this bile out of my system and get my voice back. Like Ariel from Ursula - I had to earn it with great effort.

You don't understand, though.  I have stumbled into a fascinating new world by going to these bathhouses.  Women - naked, uncaring, beautifying, scrubbing, soaking, steaming, talking, relaxing, RESTORING - um, it's amazing.  It's totally liberating.  And FYI, steaming is TOUGH to do for a long period of time.  I got light headed every time and had to take breaks. But these other ladies - these hardcore spa-divers - they flit around from room to room like it's a sampler platter and it's their duty to their bodies to enjoy water in every form.  These ladies were amphibious and the environment infectious. 

Enough about that. What's ahead for me? I have my voice back. I am still coughing up unwanted goo - at least for a couple more days.  I am waiting to hear back about auditions.  I have a pilot my friend wants me to shoot on Thursday.  I am shooting three new scenes for my reel next weekend.  Workshops are out there waiting for me to sign up and I have a gift certificate so what am I waiting for?!

I will leave you with this fun bit for now: I saw a certain big celebrity recently at a party.  Have I ever been attracted to him? Um, yes, but not in the "he's my celebrity crush sort of way".  As he was leaving, he turned to lock eyes with me and gave me that special twinkle in his eyes, tight little cat-ate-the-canary smile, and the most elegant little wave of his fingers, a hidden message of flirtation. Now, I don't swoon.  But I do relish.  I will take a secret exhange of energy like that any day.  So as I fell into the arms of sickness the next day, I didn't have to forget that I am wanted.

You are too, my friends.  And in La La, that's all that matters.

Let the Levy Break

BACK from some marvelously relaxing holidays. A little TOO relaxing if you are flying back to the home you left at 16.  No, no, no, I LOVE my family you guys - but I am just ready to GO here. Audition, audition and audition, please.  January is a busy month with many self-motivated projects to better the ol' career, so here we go.

Took a workshop today at AA Studio - the one and only John Levy.  He cast ER, now he casts Southland and Shameless.  I just watched the second season of Shameless (missed the first), but an interesting ensemble show.  Emmy Rossum is the most interesting to me. I like and admire her character. William H. Macy is a scoundrel to the Nth degree, so it's hard to love him. He's a bit obvious at times, but love his animation.

I prepared a scene as Ann from SEX, LIES & VIDEOTAPE (1989, people) - she just found out her sleazebag husband is sleeping with her sister, so she runs over to Graham's house. This is after being really freaked out about his "hobby" and his filming her sister (or her sister ASKING to be filmed) and not really wanting to get in touch with him despite completely being intrigued by him.

John wasn't giving feedback. He really just said "Great. Very nice work, Where are you from?"  I assume he was fine in his watching the scene.  I am trying not to listen to myself, but oh its hard. I hate that I do that. As an actor, I need to feel it naturally and be aware again of the beautiful impulses that come along.  When will I get to act with someone real who is not a reader?!  Not to put down the reader, he was great. I mean to have someone off of which to REALLY play. I should be approaching him like I want to illicit a reaction from him, huh? Yeah, that would be helpful.

Anyway, we'll see.  John Levy is casting Southland, but he made it clear that not many of us pretty people get on that show. Unfortunately, my headshots are glam glam but my reel is gritty and nitty.  How often do they look at your reel though? Not often.

Actually the old reel is getting revamped this month.  Hooray!  Part of my strategy of the new year.  Very excited and been working on the material for awhile. More posts to come and Happy New Year!

Alas! this is not what I thought life was

Lately, I am distracted - and it is not a focused distraction like the consistent back and forth of a ping pong game - rather, I am the ball being pinged and ponged in my schedule, my priorities, my emotions and general life.

This means that Eva has not completed her homework for acting class and she walks in with tail meekly tucked between her legs, face buried in a play or poem to do SOMEthing, work on SOMEthing. But nothing speaks to me the way I want it to and I am not allowing myself to resonate either.  My judgement of the text is off - or / also - I question whether my judgement of the text is off.  I read Night of the Iguana - and I adored it. What an incredible, quirky, intense play by Tennessee Williams. It takes place in Mexico, coincidentally, and Bette Davis originated the role of Maxine: the horny, overbearing widow forcing all patrons to delight in her rum-cocos. I don't even know what a rum-coco is, but I want one. There is a zany cast of central characters (Maxine previously mentioned): Shannon, the defrocked Irish priest-turned-tour guide who cracks up more deeply than a coconut about once a year. Then Hannah and her Nonno - a spinster/hustler who sells her watercolors and sketches while toting her 97-year-old grandfather around seeking new shelter and new resources.  Nonno is in on the hustling as well as he recites poems as if from a mountain top, always stopping as abruptly as he started, but sparking the scenes with hilarity every time.  Then there are the tourists - a busload of ladies mutinously debating with Shannon about their unchosen "stay" at Maxine's. The 17-year-old tourist with whom Shannon slept and whose youthful heart is swept away too much like Juliet.  And then there are the already willing guests: a brazen, tromping group of unquenchable Germans.

Tennessee, ya old dog. You're so interesting. Where did you pull this little rabbit from? Well, of course, it's HIM.  But I have not read a play of his like this before. It's wonderfully "outside the box".  I might do a scene from it. Let's see.

Anyway, I didn't have a THING prepared today. Luckily, my reasons for not preparing for class beforehand usually have to do with auditions (commercials and callbacks and nationals oh my!), but I have to get it together!  So I dug out a poem that I liked before, then decided no, then decided yes, then no, then JUST DO IT ALREADY!

Below is the text, by Shelley.

Alas! this is not what I thought life was.
I knew that there were crimes and evil men,
Misery and hate; nor did I hope to pass
Untouched by suffering, through the rugged glen.
In mine own heart I saw as in a glass
The hearts of others ... And when
I went among my kind, with triple brass
Of calm endurance my weak breast I armed,
To bear scorn, fear, and hate, a woeful mass!

I read it.  Then Janet asked me to read it down again. I felt deeply stirred by the first line as it translates so wonderfully to the present. After "misery and hate" I began to lose it, oh did the tears fall steadily.  It was nearly embarrassing, but hey, it's acting class. Tears happen. I am more pleased by the thought that my emotional access is greater each time I perform, and that the text is a gateway to that. Once one ingests the text and it resurges from the heart and the stomach, the emotion and meaning resonate richly through the voice. It's astounding to me how often I do not speak ON my voice. How can it be so consistently disconnected all the time? I know the answer and am working on it.

I was skeptical about this performance poetry stuff, but ultimately glad that I have an excuse to jump back into the Romantics. So many beautiful words, so many sadly beautiful thoughts and feelings, so many years ago yet so relevant today.

Okay, back to finding more texts, more plays and more work.